Monday, August 6, 2007

Save the environment--throw a water balloon!

I purchased some provisions at my neighborhood Target the other day, and something stuck in my mind. There is generally no "paper or plastic" option at Target, so I went with plastic. I noticed the following ambiguously helpful list on the side of the bag:

1. Tiny Trashcan Liner

2. Doggy Duty

3. Water Balloon

4. Roadtrip Rubbish

5. Soggy Laundry

6. Ice Pack for Head Lump

7. Toiletry Tote

8. Kitty Litter Liner

9. Tomorrow's Lunchbag

10. Care Package Padding
Some of these are very good suggestions, while some are a bit odd.

1. Tiny Trashcan Liner - True, it beats buying brand new trashbags. I use shopping bags for my bathroom trash can, so I have the peace of mind that my dirty Kleenex will be safe in a polyethylene cocoon for a long, long time.

2. Doggy Duty - What's up with the alliteration? Still, I can think of no better place to dispose of my dog's disgusting daily dookie.

3. Water Balloon - WTF? First off, how? Second, why? Third, how does this help anything???

4. Roadtrip Rubbish - Nice alliteration. See #1 above.

5. Soggy Laundry - Is this to lock in the moisture, or to create a strain of super-intelligent mildew?

6. Ice Pack for Head Lump - Actually, this is a good idea, unless you turn around and use the melted ice as a water ballon.

7. Toiletry Tote - Huh?

8. Kitty Litter Liner - I have a better idea: put some litter in the bag, then put the cat in. Leave a hole when you tie the bag off, so the cat can breathe, then you have the problems of cat waste and shedding all contained in a single bag!

9. Tomorrow's Lunchbag - I shouldn't have to note that you should not use this option if you have already used the bag for item #8.

10. Care Package Padding - Uh, have you ever actually held one of these bags? They're not exactly generous in the mass department. You would need a hell of a lot of them to pad anything at all valuable and/or breakable. Having that many of them would somewhat obviate the benefit of re-using them. Besides, then you'd be depriving your recipient the joy of perusing your local newspaper or playing with your bubble wrap, and that would be cruel.

In conclusion, readers, do your part to save the environment by finding the most alliterate use for your old plastic shopping bags. Happy hunting.

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