It's boycottin' time!!! Or not...Support local business!!!

An Austin musician has called for a boycott of local watering hole/substitute office space Austin Java, over something to do with trees and high-rise condos.

I only have two thoughts on this:
1. Austin has lots of trees. High-rise condos, by their basic nature, do not.
2. Doesn't Austin have enough high-rise condos already? Who the hell is buying these places?

I should note that, as I write this, I am sitting at Austin Java. They have hella-good cheesecake. Everyone should eat here. But don't hang out her too much--it's hard enough to get a table near a plug for my laptop as it is.

Cause for my absence

I haven't been blogging much of late, once again. I've been in the process of looking for a new Cryptic PhilosoPad. More news to follow, although it won't be as fancy as some I've looked at.

I see ya won first prize!

By special request, lyrics to the greatest song about freeballin' Scotsmen ever written:

Well a Scotsman clad in kilt left a bar on evening fair
And one could tell by how we walked that he drunk more than his share
He fumbled round until he could no longer keep his feet
Then he stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
He stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street

About that time two young and lovely girls just happend by
And one says to the other with a twinkle in her eye
See yon sleeping Scotsman so strong and handsome built
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt

They crept up on that sleeping Scotsman quiet as could be
Lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see
And there behold, for them to see, beneath his Scottish skirt
Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth

They marveled for a moment, then one said we must be gone
Let's leave a present for our friend, before we move along
As a gift they left a blue silk ribbon, tied into a bow
Around the bonnie star, the Scots kilt did lift and show
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
Around the bonnie star, the Scots kilt did lift and show

Now the Scotsman woke to nature's call and stumbled towards a tree
Behind a bush, he lift his kilt and gawks at what he sees
And in a startled voice he says to what's before his eyes.
O lad I don't know where you been but I see you won first prize
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
O lad I don't know where you been but I see you won first prize[!]

A cappella with harmony available.

And don't forget, real men wear kilts.

Bridge blues

I was horrified and saddened to learn about the bridge collapse in Minnesota. This is actually the same highway I drive on several times a week, except it's about 1,500 miles south of where the collapse occurred. While the collapse of one bridge does not automatically mean other bridges are in danger, this is as good a time as any to look at bridge safety overall. The picture is not pretty--according to Burnt Orange Report (using Federal Highway Authority reports), 193 bridges were rated as "structurally deficient" by the Department of Transportation in 2006. I've had a hard time making it through the 33-page report, so I don't know if any of the six bridges I frequent made the list. I will eventually find out, but that's not really the issue--all bridges should be routinely maintained and checked for safety standards. Tell your representatives.

Where I should be living...

Downtown living ain't easy, but some people are doing it with more style than others.






My philosophizing would be extra-Cryptic in these digs.

Uh, never mind

Apparently early reports of the mob beating of a man in east Austin were not entirely accurate.

At a news conference this afternoon, City Manager Toby Futrell said that she had heard media reports all day today that were inaccurate, including some that said hundreds of people did nothing to assist in the attack, and that it was carried out by as many as 20 people.

Police believe about three to four men may have participated in the beating.

She blamed the city for releasing information Wednesday morning that she said fueled belief that the beating was tied to the Juneteenth celebration.

Mayor Will Wynn said he's heard from people all over the world "about something that did not occur Tuesday night."

Mob justice in Austin? I don't get it.

Something like this shouldn't happen anywhere, but especially not in my city! This is just scary:

A group of men fatally beat a passenger in a car that police said accidentally struck a child outside an East Austin apartment complex, police said today.

As many as 3,000 people were in the area following a Juneteenth celebration at the time, officials said. Austin police Cmdr. Harold Piatt estimated that dozens were in the parking lot of the Booker T. Washington apartment complex at the time and that preliminary information shows no witnesses apparently tried to prevent or stop the attack.

"At this point, we aren't aware that any person did anything to stop the assault or prevent the injuries," he said.

Piatt said investigators are still trying to question people who might have seen the attack.

Police said officers responded to a "person down" call at 9:30 p.m. and that when they arrived, they found David Rivas Morales, 40, with trauma to his body. He was taken to Brackenridge Hospital and pronounced dead.

Investigators said the assault apparently occurred after the driver of the car struck a child in a parking lot at 900 Thompson St. The child, a 4-year-old girl, was treated for injuries that were not life-threatening.

Witnesses told investigators that a group of men assaulted Morales when he stepped out of the car to try to stop the crowd from assaulting the driver, who had gotten out of the car. Piatt said it was unclear if the driver was aware he'd struck the child.

The driver, whose name has not been released, was able to leave the area in the car. Police later found him and the car.

"This is an anomaly for Austin, Piatt said. "When you have someone just beaten to death in a parking lot."

I guess not all the information and evidence is in yet--when I first read the headline, I just assumed an angry mob had killed a drunk driver who carelessly ran down a child. Apparently, the child was not badly injured, and the man beaten to death wasn't the driver, so this is not a stereotypical vigilante or mob rule sort of thing. The driver seems like a jackass, as I don't understand how you can hit a child with your car--even glancingly--anbd not notice. I really don't get the motivation to beat his passenger to death.

San Antonio, fuck yeah!

From the Spurs' biggest fairweather fan, hell yeah! Another NBA Championship from the dullest team in the league. Here are two reasons why the Spurs kick ass:

1. Our MVP got to snog Eva Longoria at the end of the game (cause/effect?)



2. San Antonio can win a championship and somehow not immediately resort to widespread rioting (suck on it, Chicago!)

How does it feel?

Proving once again that my city can kick your city's ass, the lineup for the Austin City Limits 2007 Festival has been announced, headlined by the coolest human being to have ever lived, Bob Dylan.

I haven't gone to the festival for the past couple of years. My experience in 2004 led me to conclude that I could have about as much fun if I spent the day inside an oven with an iPod and a large bag of cat dander (I'm allergic). Sweat and sneezing do not go well together.

However, with Bob at the helm, this year is going to kick ass. Suck on it, rest of America!

A final note to SXSW hipsters

After spending the last few days dodging lanyard-clad pedestrians in my car as I slogged through newfound downtown traffic, a few questions occurred to me.

1. Is musical talent somehow incompatible with the use of soap and/or deoderant?

2. Do you honestly think the green hair looks good, or is this just your way of pointing out the essential shallowness of our materialistic culture in the most attention-grabbing way possible?

3. Seriously, what's up with the B.O.?

4. Thank you for staying out of my neighborhood. You can have downtown for a few days, I suppose, but leave my neighborhood alone.

5. Thanks again for leaving. Smell ya later (seriously).

Thank you, South By Southwest conference attendees

There are few things in this world I love more than the fair city of Austin, my home for the better part of the last eight years. This time of year, though, a feeling always comes over me...a feeling that maybe the price of hipness is too high. I'd like to take this opportunity to thank the many SXSW conference attendees who have descended on my town this week.

Thank you for allegedly bringing $38 million to the local economy.

Thank you for helping to put Austin on the map of important venues for the entertainment industry.

Thank you for demonstrating how crippling body odor and hair colors that do not occur anywhere in nature can actually be a mark of overbearing hipness.

Thank you for reminding me, several times each day, that the conference badge you are wearing really does mean that those "walk/don't walk" lights all over downtown do not apply to you.

Thank you for affording me the opportunity to reflect on my home state by frequently beginning questions with "Why is it that in Texas..."

Thank you for comparing everything to how it is back in LA or New York, so I'll know what we need to do to be more like you.

Thank you for helping to create such a paradoxical love/hate relationship with the whole SXSW shindig.

And finally, thank you for leaving at the end of the week.

It's been real. See you next year. Remember, some of us may be armed.