Saturday, April 7, 2007

I guess Newt ain't packin', either

In keeping with my pontifications regarding neoconservatives (I still like the term "conserfascists") and their self-perceived, uh, inadequacies, here's a bit from Newt Gingrich, via Hugh Hewitt, via Glenn Greenwald:
HH: Now let's get to the first major issue of the day, which is Iran. Mr. Speaker, if the United Kingdom feels obliged to use force, if diplomacy fails to get their people back, will you applaud?

NG: I think there are two very simple steps that should be taken. The first is to use a covert operation, or a special forces operation to knock out the only gasoline producing refinery in Iran. There's only one. And the second is to simply intercede by Naval force, and block any tankers from bringing gasoline to Iran


HH: So how long would you give them, to give them that ultimatum, the Iranians?
NG: I would literally do that. I would say to them, I would right now say to them privately, within the next week, your refinery will no longer work. And within the following week, there will be no tankers arriving. Now if you would like to avoid being humiliated publicly, we recommend you calmly and quietly give them back now. But frankly, if you'd prefer to show the planet that you're tiny and we're not, we're prepared to simply cut off your economy, and allow you to go back to walking and using oxen to pull carts, because you will have no gasoline left.

HH: I agree with that 100%.
Emphasis added.

Now, to be fair to the former Speaker, I suppose it is worth considering what it means by "you're tiny and we're not."

Compared to America, Iran is quite tiny in terms of land area. I mean, the U.S. ranks 3rd or 4th with its 9,629,091 square kilometers, compared to Iran at #18 (1,648,195 square km? Ha! Even Greenland is bigger!)

In population, the good ol' U.S. of A's 301,600,000 people (we're number 3!) easily trounces Iran's 70,049,262 (again, they're number 18 somehow). Iran has a whole lot more Muslims, for what it's worth.

In terms of age, though, Iran has us beat, if you count from the original formation of the Persian Empire as a political entity around 500 BC. Next to that, what's 1776 got to offer?

Anyway, I somehow doubt Speaker Gingrich is addressing the issue of land area, population size, or longevity. I think he's looking at something more, ahem, substantial when he says "you're tiny and we're not." Maybe the thought of having to actually talk to the Iranians instead of blowing them up, just like in Halo, causes an unfortunate Freudian response.

Seriously, though, is our country really being run (I know Newt isn't in charge of anything at the moment, but he seems to be the favorite of many who are) by people who are willing to bomb various others into oblivion to prove they aren't hung like light switches? Not to belabor a point, but this is pretty damn scary. Maybe what we need is more blowjobs in the Oval Office and halls of Congress. Think about it (preferably without a visual, ew.)

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